May. 10th, 2011

phantym_56: (ed - reunited - exhausted)
I can't sleep. Been a while since I've done a middle-of-the-night-and-unhappy posting because on the whole I've slept really well ever since I adopted the blankets but tonight.. not happening. I'm not panicking, I'm perfectly calm, just bored out of my mind. Too hot under the blanket but a bit cold out of them and also, becaused I'm weird like that, I feel very vulnerable to stab attacks if I'm not covered up. Yes. As if a blanket is protection from being stabbed which isn't going to happen anyway.

It was hard yesterday (although having not slept yet, it still feels today; anyway, I mean Monday) to snap out of the miserable mood. Once I get a feeling lodged in my head, it's really hard to get rid of it, particularly when that feeling is that you don't have any friends. Just constantly going over and over it. Fortunately, my head can only really contain one persistent thought at a time and learning to be left-handed can occupy enough of it that there isn't enough space left for sad feelings. And then Brownies (have I mentioned recently what a cure-all they can be?) drove out all thoughts altogether. Brownies are brilliant for cheering me up. We did some skipping with them and by the end, we had two who had, through stubborn refusal to give up, pretty much mastered the art of jumping into the double-dutch ropes. They weren't so brilliant at carrying on jumping once they were in but they could get in and that was a joy to watch.

Then afterwards, me and Mandy compared upper arm muscles. I used to climb quite a bit at uni, I used to have proper muscles there (until someone attempted to feel the muscle. I am very ticklish. Someone grabbing my arm instantly reduces the muslce to squirming spider limbs) and although they're not as prominent as they used to be, yeah, there's still muscle of a sort there.

I am tired. I have dimmed my laptop as much as it'll go but the light is still really hurting my eyes and picking up a computer is a really, really bad way to tire myself out. I'm going to stop rambling, put it down and lie here listening to the birds chirruping outside. Don't know if they've noticed it's really quite dark indeed. Sparrows, blackbirds, martins and maybe the odd thrush, I think, judging by the birds I seen regularly in the garden. We also have a lot of pigeons and crows but I know what pigeons and crows sound like and the high-pitched chirruping outside my window definitely doesn't contain any cooing or squawking.
phantym_56: (bryan - bob)

It's immensely frustrating, after four hours of feeling hungry and vaguely off-colour from lack of food, to get home for lunch and realise you really don't feel like eating, despite knowing it'll make you feel better.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

phantym_56: (ed - hatshaped)

It has been A Day. Didn't sleep brilliantly last night, although I suspect I did better than I realised at the time. So hard to judge time at night because it genuinely is difficult sometimes to tell whether I'm awake or asleep. I must have fallen asleep pretty soon after I put the laptop down and surprisingly, I've not been too tired today.

Didn't have time for breakfast and spent most of the morning feeling a bit icky because I needed food - until I got home at lunchtime and discovered that I felt a little sick and didn't at all feel capable of putting food in me. That lasted most of the afternoon.

On my way to Rangers, something went click. Suddenly the sick feeling just vanished and there I was, fifteen miles to drive, starving hungry and desperate for some bread and cheese. So I'm feeling much better now.

I think the problem was getting home quite late last night after Brownies and discovering the bread was mouldy (this is a common occurrence. I religiously check the bread for mould every single time I eat). Dad fetched more bread and I sat and ate six to eight slices in one go. Mistake! Far too late at night to gorge myself on toast. That's probably why I had odd dreams and couldn't sleep and it's almost certainly why I felt sick today. Lesson learnt; don't stuff yourself just before bed or it'll make you feel poorly for the best part of the next twenty-four hours.

And also, I'm finally in a better mood! I knew it'd happen sooner or later, it's just taken its time. I have regained my chirpiness.

And now I'm going to bed. I have quite a bit of sleep to catch up on.


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