( Stress at work, hand injury, shopping/hiking, sleep. Kinda rambly )
( Stress at work, hand injury, shopping/hiking, sleep. Kinda rambly )
( The philosophy of going places on my own )
In other news... well, there's not much. Going to Lithuania and "I need to find some quiz questions for Brownies by bedtime tonight" are the only things in my brain at the moment. This morning I acquired a sudden crush on Brian Cox. I watched him on Something for the Weekend and giggled and melted and generally went a bit soppy at him. I don't think this will last long, judging by the fact that as soon as he's out of sight, I've forgotten him.
I ate on my broken tooth the other day. It felt fine at the time, I started thinking that it just needed a bit of time to heal up or something. Nope. By bedtime, agonising toothache. At just before two in the morning, I was drinking liquid painkiller out of the bottle. No spoon and the dosing syringe still had a small amount of gunge in it from the last time I used it. Liquid painkiller tickles but I can't get up in the middle of the night and go downstairs for a drink. I'd be shot. And besides, if I did go downstairs, I could just take some adult medicine.
I have a small ulcer caused by the rubbing of a sharp bottom tooth. It has become the only thing in the world I can think about. Poking it, prodding it, biting it, trying to get rid of it (yes, I know all those things will just make it worse). I should be packing and thinking of some quiz questions. I can't. I have an ulcer and it needs to be prodded. Even noises in another room is doing my head in right now. I have a tiny tiny pain in my mouth and it's become my world. Stop rustling those fucking bags! I can't stand the noise! Oh, but I can't actually go and yell that because I will be accused of being totally unreasonable and incredibly bad-tempered.
I have got a drawing pin stuck in my hand (not "I have got" as in "right now there is a-" but in the sense of the past tense of got). It hurt. I now remember that injections hurt. I'd convinced myself that they don't really hurt and my phobia of them is simply of the phobic of them itself, that if I look at it or talk about it or think about it I will faint/throw up but actually, something sharp being poked into you does hurt and it's not so unreasonable to be petrified of that.
I had a giggle at myself today as well. Parked next to another Panda at Tesco, giggled for being so childish as to do that and then promptly had hysterics because that Panda was parked behind another. We looked like a little Panda convention out there.
In a bit I shall go and see my mentor, who came to observe Rangers last week and who this week shall go through my qualification and sign everything off.
I have cut my nails. I bit them until I was fourteen or so, then stopped literally overnight. A few of them had got ludicrously long and full of what I call faultlines and my thumbnails were so long I could hardly do anything - earrings are impossible and I started having trouble doing up my necklace, so they're all cut back a bit and filed and I'm going to keep filing them regularly so they don't get weak and break and actually make some kind of vague effort to look after them.
So the only problem with my day is being shattered. I wish I could get used to going to bed before midnight and staying asleep all night but it's not working at the moment. I can't seem to make myself go to bed early enough and if I do, I can't get to sleep. The heating isn't working properly, so I have to sleep with the duvet over the blankets and it feels like... well, to say it feels like it's crushing me would be melodramatic but I'm definitely more comfortable with only the blankets. However, just blankets is too cold. So I never feel good in the morning and by the end of the day I'm ready to come home and crash. But my moods are ok which is a good thing.
In the meantime I am rewatching All the Small Things. I love Olive. (And Jake, obviously).
And finally, the pasta I've just eaten is expressing its displeasure at me having eaten it. Some of us never learn.
Oww...poor little lactose-intolerant tummy has sent me home for lunch half an hour early, not that I'm going to be eating much. From what very little reading I've done on the subject, humans are born with an enzyme to digest milk and as they grow up and cease to live on milk, their production of this enzyme slows down, so a degree of lactose-intolerance is the default for most people, even if they don't realise it.
For someone who lives on bread and cheese, this can be inconvenient. No, day to day I'm fine. It's only if I overload my system with, say, a colossal mound of cheese beside a bowl of pasta or some ice cream (particularly sensitive to ice cream, fairly small amounts set it off) or some milk. I like chocolate milk. Generally, if I keep it to a reasonably small amount, no more than half a cup at a time, I'm ok. However, if I were to eat a bowl of ice cream, a cheese panini and half a cup of milk all within twenty-four hours... well, today's evidence suggests I can't cope with that.
I'm eating a couple of slices of fairly plain toast and when my lunch hour is over, I'll go back to work and by hometime, I'll have forgotten it ever happened. It's generally over pretty quickly. Half an hour ago I was sitting at my desk trying not to whimper out loud with stomach cramps and now I'm fine. I had a comedy last night and two more next week and I shall tell you about those three all together when I've seen the last one.
Book 3 of the Looking Glass Wars arrived yesterday. I'll have to reread the first two before I touch it. And also finish Best Served Cold. And I'm still holding out hope that Republic of Thieves is published next Thursday. Waterstones says it is and I've preordered it but I'm so used to being let down by this book that I won't be surprised if it isn't.
My reading list looks something like this at the moment:
Finish Best Served Cold
Republic of Thieves
The Looking Glass Wars
The toaster still smells suspiciously like burnt toast. Must just go and check it's ok.
I am using my bored-time at work to do some writing on The Sequel. I told myself 100,00 words by end of March. That is looming horrifyingly close considering I only have about 35,000 words.
4.22pm - Still feeling a bit icky. Don't know why, over-drinking of milk doesn't usually hang around this long. It's probably a combination of too much milk and not enough sleep. Hot and headachey and could just curl up and go to sleep.
Now half awake but still limp and headachey. Why do I have to have this pain every month? It's 2011! It should be eliminated by now!
I had agonising tooth pain on Sunday night and it started up again at the crack of dawn this morning and then again this evening. I could leave it and hope it sorts itself out (it did eventually with the one that's now missing altogether on the right side - I had quite bad pains over the summer when I was 17 or 18 but it's been fine for years now) but I'm a grown-up and grown-ups have to go to the dentist and beg for broken teeth to be fixed. On condition that he leaves the one on the right alone. There's no tooth left, legacy of having cracked it four times. The first piece probably broke ten years ago and the last bit fell out about five years ago, so I have no intention of letting a dentist play with it now. The one on the left, the recent break, is still salvageable, provided I stop being a chicken. Be brave.
Also, I wouldn't mind having my canines filed down. I'm sick of them rubbing and giving me ulcers.
In the meantime, the vodka I won in a quiz in my second year of university is finally coming in handy. Tastes like liquid fire and suddenly I remember why, having owned it for about six years, I've never so much as opened it. Not bad for temporary pain relief though. (Not drinking it! Just dabbing it on the injured tooth). Tried salt water rinse but... tastes like seawater, unsurprisingly, and makes me paranoid that I've swallowed some even though I know I haven't and that makes me scared that I'm going to be sick.
(By the way, Hustle, there was no need to spell out the thing with the clocks. We'd got it.)
Today is a better day than yesterday, for two reasons which probably should't be but are equally important to me.
1) Following Sunday night's epic tooth pain, I woke up yesterday with a horrible miserable ache throughout the entire left side of my head. Never did work out whether it was in my jaw (and therefore caused by toothache), ear (and therefore possibly caused by underwater attempts at earclearing in the pool on Sunday) or in my entire head. The only thing I was sure about was that it wasn't actually in the teeth anymore. But it was horrible and miserable and hurt and I spent the entire day at work wishing I could put my head down on the desk and groan. We have some so-called "drawing" software at work which contains hundreds of ready-made graphic illustrations of everything from dentistry to sales maps and it includes a section on headaches, with pictures of unhappy-looking heads and grey patches showing where the pain typically is. One of them had a sad-looking person with a big grey patch over one eye and I have never ever felt more like a picture summed me up.
I went to Brownies regardless of the pain - they are an excellent distraction, we should bottle them and sell them as a cure-all but when I got home, I just lay down on the floor in front of the fire and slept for an hour and then went to bed early. I did wake up a couple of times in the night, convinced I couldn't sleep, tossing and turning but considering I was asleep at 9, I stayed asleep remarkably well and joy of joys, woke up headache-free this morning.
2) Woke up late this morning, got up late, didn't even venture downstairs until five minutes before I was supposed to leave for work, to find the post had already arrived. There was an odd-looking letter, covered in strange symbols. Addressed in handwriting - this was no bill or junk mail or anything from a bank. And- and that's my name on it, in handwriting that looks like it belongs to a fourteen-year-old boy. And a very familiar surname in the top corner... it's a reply from Silver in Afghanistan! Cue something between squee attack and panic attack. I told him some far more personal things than I usually would in my last letter to him and I was a little bit concerned about how he might respond to them.
He's glad to hear from me, glad we're going to become BFF again since "it would never work out between us" and thanks for the marshmallows. The rest I haven't managed to decipher yet. I have no idea what they've done to the letter but it looks like it's been written and then photocopied onto a piece of card which is folded and sealed so you rip three edges off to open it and it's difficult to read. I am delighted. I have a letter from my mate Silver! We're going to remain friends! I'm going to see him again! Doesn't mean I'm not still hopelessly in love with him but many years ago I resigned myself to the fact that we could never be more than friends and I'm perfectly satisfied with that - for now.
In other news, the land behind our office has been bought. We've known that for some time and we've always known that someone would built on it eventually, thus blocking out the light from the only windows in the room. No one's really been looking forward to that. I don't know if I'm the only stupid one but it hadn't occurred to me that before the light was blocked out, we'd have a few weeks/months of building work. I am pleased. My inner four-year-old (who wanted to be a digger driver) still loves watching heavy construction vehicles digging and doing whatever work they do. I've got a scene from my imaginary future playing out in front of me every day, so I certainly won't be joining the chorus of "Oh no! It's noisy and it's horrible!" Also, because they're digging up damp earth, they're wafting a delicious smell of... well, damp earth across the estate. It smells like a field just after it's rained and that I like also. So I'm perfectly contented with the building works.
In fact, other than the fact that my Dearly Beloved Boss arrived ten minutes before I came home for lunch and is therefore going to be in the office all afternoon, I'm pretty contented with my entire Tuesday.