phantym_56: (tg - tilt)
 Tonight I don't care about anything. I have not watched the news and I have only glanced over the live feed on the BBC website because tonight I haven't got the energy to care about rioting and my country going to hell.

Tonight I have fed the Pig and eaten too many Doritos and had a very long bath and finished the rubbish chick-lit with the outrageously bright pink cover I started a month ago and I have a very warm laptop on my knees. I have one more tablet to take and then I'm done - two full weeks of trying to swallow a weeny little pill three times a day. I'm going to hurt a lot in approximately four days time and be very unhappy but at least that didn't happen while I was on holiday and the sums I've done work out that I won't hurt while I'm in Orkney either. But I'll be so glad not to have to force the pills down after tonight.

I sat in a meeting with the bank manager - very nice, rather good looking and provided adequate entertainment to not get too bored while we discussed cash flow spreadsheets. Well, cash flow would have been ok. I was there because I'm the one who actually put the cash flow spreadsheet together. But the nice bank manager wanted to discuss the spreadsheet that I didn't make, the one that provided the figures for me to put in my sheet. So I spent an hour and a half not having a clue what he and the accountant were talking about, occasionally daydreaming and being suddenly recalled when he asked for my opinion. I am not an accountant. I am an office dogsbody who happens to have a vague idea how Excel works. But like I say, it wasn't unpleasant to be in his company for a while.

I am still relishing this independence thing. In a little while I will drag myself off to bed, wrap up in my beloved blankets and probably fail to fall asleep.

(Just for the fun of it, I keep writing little snippets of Alex/Joey. Not going to end up in the book. Just because they're pretty. Alex is very disinterested in romantic/sexual relationships and Joey's straight and not looking for anyone new after his last relationship disaster anyway. God knows how they would end up "together". But it's still fun writing them cuddling up together, squabbling over the amount of breakfast one should eat, having a chaotic pile of books, biscuits, glasses, needles and smartphones beside the bed and putting cold hands up each others backs at night for warmth. Fluffy spies are fluffy.)

ALSO!! ALSO!!! Is it just an English thing or does it sound unbearably posh to everyone to shorten the word "umbrella" to "brelly"? Only "brelly" makes a lot more sense than "brolly". Only it does sound unbearably posh to say "brelly". I generally compromise and go for "umbrelly". Because at home, I talk like a four-year-old. (seriously. My "kitchen table dialect" is a hideous mixture of lolcat, babytalk, carrot cruncher and intentional appalling grammar with a smattering of Navy Lark and just a touch of Mitchell & Webb. In my defence, in public I do speak like an adult human being, albeit one who talks too fast and then falls over her words and finishes up stuttering.)
phantym_56: (ed - headhand)
 Four whole days with no posting. That's not like me. That sort of makes me feel like I should offer some sort of explanation. I've not had anything to say and for once I've managed to not say it. 

Stress at work, hand injury, shopping/hiking, sleep. Kinda rambly )
phantym_56: (bryan - jake snowboarding)
Today's snowboarding )
Trip to the doctor )
Work. My sister has applied for a clone of my job. I turn a little bitter for a while. )
My lack of really having a "dream job" )
And with that kind of cheap philosophising, I should be off to bed. I have slept extraordinarily well the last couple of nights. Got up early this morning and was on my way to the doctor at 8.20am, an hour at which I am often still asleep. Benefits of working one mile away from home; I can afford to be lazy in the morning and not get out of bed until 8.30 if I really want to.
phantym_56: (ed - different class)

Unhelpful things people say in an attempt to be nice: 'Are you ok? You look really pale.'

Unhelpful because: makes me start wondering if I am ok, which makes me start to feel a little lightheaded when my initial response was 'Yes, I'm absolutely fine, feeling grand.'

(I am porcelain-doll pale at the best of times. God knows how white I must look today if colleagues feel the need to be concerned. I suspect it's a combination of now-burgundy hair in need of a wash and my black shirt making my skin look paler than normal.)

Nice but ultimately quite counter-productive.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

phantym_56: (ed - lawnmower)
Rewriting this one because I was too tired to bother with capital letters earlier.

My best-laid plans went a little awry when I arrived at work to find a message from my Dearly Beloved Boss telling me to get over to his house to babysit his kids. They're good kids, actually, not suffering too much yet from sharing his DNA, bright sparky little things but still too small to have too much attitude. And a day spent playing in the sandpit and watching Shaun the Sheep and out in the sun is going to be better than spending a day in the office.

It did scupper my rocky road plans, though. I spent forty-five minutes before work chopping ingredients and then didn't get to come home for my lunch hour to melt and mix. That was first job when I got home, followed by a quick bath and shower in which I took great care of my nails (nothing in the world makes nail varnish chip quicker than washing my hair) and then I ate and then I put the contrast colour tips on my precious nails.

I've even been organised enough to put both phone and camera on to charge ready to head off to London. I'm seeing Ed Byrne at Hammersmith tomorrow, meeting a friend for the show and going for some drinks afterwards and then she's sleeping on my hotel floor. I was about to say "we were complete strangers when we met" but isn't that true of everyone? I'll rephrase it. London, late at night. A bar. JD & coke. Inviting a complete stranger to stay in my hotel room. Fast-forward a bit over a year and now we're making arrangements to go and see our mutually favourite comedian together and then repeat the original meeting.

Then I'm meeting my Swiss sister on Saturday. Don't know what we'll do. Meander the streets of London and I'll pretend to be interested while she goes shopping. Probably hug each other on meeting. I haven't seen her in four years! Must text her in the morning, just to check she's still coming.

Odd how I was falling asleep two hours ago and have woken up now.

I miss playing with Alex and Joey. Trouble is, every time they pop into my head, I want to feed Alex. He's so skinny! He doesn't eat! He likes jam and he likes oranges and he loves coffee but he won't eat proper meals. They can't get on with the business of being spies when I'm trying to feed him ravioli stuffed with spinach and ricotta or something else interesting from whatever cookbook I was reading that day. I need them running around Europe, tracking down baddies, getting bridges collapsing on their heads, falling off cruise ships and sleeping off jetlag (Alex is cute when he's sleeping. He's even cuter when he's drowsy. I love my fictional spies). I need them out and about, doing things. I want to spend my train trip tomorrow at the very least, making a dent in a scene that doesn't involve food. That might ping me back into writing properly. I intended to have some sort of first draft of the Sequel finished by the end of March but at this rate, it's not going to be done by the end of 2011!

Goodnight. Long day tomorrow. Need some sleeeeep.
phantym_56: (bryan - kursk)
I am back on an even keel. I have not been prone to bouts of misery recently. But that doesn't mean I can't have ordinary miserable days. A bit like today. Admittedly, everything is influenced by the fact that 26 days have cycled round exactly as quickly as I expected them to and I don't function hugely brilliantly with stomach ache and shivers. Today I am liable to be upset by things that wouldn't have bothered me yesterday or next week or any other time except today and maybe the next two days.

Today I am hormonal and therefore not functioning quite correctly. )
phantym_56: (ed - graham norton)

It is a good day, people. Boss not in the office. London plans being made. And you know what they say about lightning? I think it may strike again

There are too many tags for a post this short.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

phantym_56: (russ - eyes)
The heating was not on downstairs and therefore it hasn't been agonisingly cold upstairs

My Dearly Beloved Boss decided out of the blue that he'd like to celebrate last year's record sales today. Started with "Where shall we go?", then decided to have a look at our local airport to see if we could fly somewhere for the day. That's celebrating. But unfortunately, he could sidetracked by the local pictures on the website. "You know... [airport town] is very pretty. Why don't we just go there?" So instead of flying to Pisa for the day, we're going to go and eat some fish beside the bit of sea where I grew up. Do we want to go 2pm or 6pm? The day he's chosen happens to be the day I'm going to see Mark Watson. The theatre is about 50 yards from the restaurant but he starts at 7.30 and if we go at 6, I'll only be there for an hour. I don't entirely object. Fish is my least favourite of all the foods I don't eat - I really don't like the smell of fish - but you have to at least pretend to be enthusiastic about these things. Luckily, the 2pm late lunch is the favourite in general so far. I actually quite like this plan.

Leave work 1pm - the entire office closes.
2pm - everyone eats fish. I drink something
5/6pm - everyone leaves. It's not worth me driving 50 mins each direction to be right back where I started only two hours later, so maybe I go to the Wetherspoons just up the road and have a cheese panini (God bless Wetherspoons - a rare place where I can get food I like)
7.30 - Mark Watson appears on stage.

Sounds like an excellent day.

My favourite bit - Dearly Beloved Boss's Feisty Mother emailed him back and said "... so are you going to tell your daughter you're missing her first birthday?"
phantym_56: (ed - desert)

Today is a better day than yesterday, for two reasons which probably should't be but are equally important to me.

1) Following Sunday night's epic tooth pain, I woke up yesterday with a horrible miserable ache throughout the entire left side of my head. Never did work out whether it was in my jaw (and therefore caused by toothache), ear (and therefore possibly caused by underwater attempts at earclearing in the pool on Sunday) or in my entire head. The only thing I was sure about was that it wasn't actually in the teeth anymore. But it was horrible and miserable and hurt and I spent the entire day at work wishing I could put my head down on the desk and groan. We have some so-called "drawing" software at work which contains hundreds of ready-made graphic illustrations of everything from dentistry to sales maps and it includes a section on headaches, with pictures of unhappy-looking heads and grey patches showing where the pain typically is. One of them had a sad-looking person with a big grey patch over one eye and I have never ever felt more like a picture summed me up.
I went to Brownies regardless of the pain - they are an excellent distraction, we should bottle them and sell them as a cure-all but when I got home, I just lay down on the floor in front of the fire and slept for an hour and then went to bed early. I did wake up a couple of times in the night, convinced I couldn't sleep, tossing and turning but considering I was asleep at 9, I stayed asleep remarkably well and joy of joys, woke up headache-free this morning.

2) Woke up late this morning, got up late, didn't even venture downstairs until five minutes before I was supposed to leave for work, to find the post had already arrived. There was an odd-looking letter, covered in strange symbols. Addressed in handwriting - this was no bill or junk mail or anything from a bank. And- and that's my name on it, in handwriting that looks like it belongs to a fourteen-year-old boy. And a very familiar surname in the top corner... it's a reply from Silver in Afghanistan! Cue something between squee attack and panic attack. I told him some far more personal things than I usually would in my last letter to him and I was a little bit concerned about how he might respond to them.

He's glad to hear from me, glad we're going to become BFF again since "it would never work out between us" and thanks for the marshmallows. The rest I haven't managed to decipher yet. I have no idea what they've done to the letter but it looks like it's been written and then photocopied onto a piece of card which is folded and sealed so you rip three edges off to open it and it's difficult to read. I am delighted. I have a letter from my mate Silver! We're going to remain friends! I'm going to see him again! Doesn't mean I'm not still hopelessly in love with him but many years ago I resigned myself to the fact that we could never be more than friends and I'm perfectly satisfied with that - for now.

In other news, the land behind our office has been bought. We've known that for some time and we've always known that someone would built on it eventually, thus blocking out the light from the only windows in the room. No one's really been looking forward to that. I don't know if I'm the only stupid one but it hadn't occurred to me that before the light was blocked out, we'd have a few weeks/months of building work. I am pleased. My inner four-year-old (who wanted to be a digger driver) still loves watching heavy construction vehicles digging and doing whatever work they do. I've got a scene from my imaginary future playing out in front of me every day, so I certainly won't be joining the chorus of "Oh no! It's noisy and it's horrible!" Also, because they're digging up damp earth, they're wafting a delicious smell of... well, damp earth across the estate. It smells like a field just after it's rained and that I like also. So I'm perfectly contented with the building works.

In fact, other than the fact that my Dearly Beloved Boss arrived ten minutes before I came home for lunch and is therefore going to be in the office all afternoon, I'm pretty contented with my entire Tuesday.


phantym_56: (snowboarding heaven)
I should go to bed because it's a little late and I'm about to be tired. I can feel it coming.

I don't know what's going on - I'm enjoying work! Well, not so much that I wouldn't stay home if I had the opportunity but I'm not getting up every day and going "Oh God, I can't face it today!" I'm busy, we've had visitors in all week so I've seen next-to-nothing of anyone with any authority, I've got loads of stuff done.
 
Driving the company car )
IT vs 71-year-old )
Snowboarding/snowboys )
And it appears, from comments on Facebook, that my mate Silver is coming home from his war earlier than I was expecting. No idea exactly when. I was expecting late March but people keep saying "Not long now!" which seems not quite right when he's still got 2 out of 6 months to go.

The trials and tribulations of needing to buy new shoes )

Aha. Here comes the impending tiredness. Time to brush my teeth and sort out my blankets. They seem to have had a party while I was out today. God knows how they've got in such a tangle. Have I mentioned recently? Blankets are awesome. Get rid of your convenient modern duvets. Blankets. They are the way forward.
phantym_56: (milton jones)
I'm in a good positive mood today so I'm going to ramble about that a bit. I've just finished reading The Order of the Phoenix and am now getting into the Harry Potters that I don't remember very well because I read them the day they came out, in a hurry, and haven't reread since. I say I don't remember them very well. I hardly remember them at all.

Anyway, I've brushed my teeth so I'm feeling minty and proud. I've had a text exchange with Mandy about Brownies and discovered an email from her - seems she's noticed I was acting odd last year. I've admitted to her that things weren't quite right and told her that I'm lots better now and she's coming over for lunch tomorrow and we'll talk about Brownies and she'll talk and I'll nod and fail to get a word in.

Partly the improvement has come about because the moment I decided to give up on people I got an out-of-the-blue invitation to spend a day with my two best friends and it actually happened and I enjoyed it. This has gone no little way to restoring my faith in people, as has Mandy's email. But something that I think has made a particularly noticeable difference is work.

I've had a busy fortnight. Everyone's piling stuff of me and telling me it needs to be done sort of now. And I admit, it's getting to the point where it's almost too much and I very nearly started snapping at people today. We had two new people back in November. One of them has taken 75% of my accounting jobs and the other has kind of taken my place as the logistics backup. (I don't think he's staying past his trial period. He's not good enough and he admitted himself within two weeks of starting that he doesn't really want to stay). For a while, I felt like all my jobs were being taken away, like I was gradually being made redundant, I'd had a massive problem with some shipping documents I hadn't sorted out that dragged on for two months, I felt like I was rubbish at my job and I was living in terror of being fired. This was a completely misplaced paranoia. I said here, for crying out loud, my boss said a while back, probably in September/October, if I was happy here he had no problem whatsoever keeping me. That was probably around the time my "occasional bouts of misery" were at their most persistent, maybe he'd noticed and thought I wasn't happy here. What he said was that if I wasn't happy and wanted to leave, they'd find a replacement who could do all the stuff I could do while they were hiring. But if I was happy then he had no problems keeping me. I know I've already said that. It bears repeating. I should have paid more attention to the second bit than the first bit. He said months ago that he had no intention of getting rid of me, didn't he? But paranoia piled upon misery and I took it the wrong way and let it make things so much worse.

These last two weeks, as I've said, I've been incredibly busy. I've been working to breaking point. I've finally realised it was a good thing the accounts stuff was taken away. It reduced my workload down to "manageable". God knows what state I'd be in if I was trying to keep up with the accounting on top of everything else. Well done bosses for knowing things I didn't, even about myself. But the point is that I'm delighted to be busy because it's stuff I can cope with, provided I don't end up wasting too many days in unnecessary meetings and it's stuff that I'm needed for. I feel useful, I feel needed, I feel like there is definitely a job for me and without me, the office would be in a certain amount of chaos. I'm essential. They don't get rid of "essential".

Realising that I'm in demand means paranoia about potential firing has gone. Friends contacting me eases the loneliness. I don't know what happened to me over the last few months but I'm definitely well on my way back to my normal self. And that's a great thing. I'm reading! I'm intending to go snowboarding! (Tried to go last week. Drove seventeen miles there to find the slope was closed because of technical problems. Drove seventeen miles home again. 17 miles, incidentally, would seem like another world to some of my friends. I'm genuinely curious - does anyone think it's a ridiculous distance to go snowboarding? Not that your opinion is going to stop me going, obviously)
phantym_56: (ed - headhand)
My job as office junior involves many many things, mostly just doing whatever I'm told to do. This ranges from setting up £300,00.00+ in supplier payments each week to making tea for the boss. Today I've been doing my favourite - internet research. My Dearly Beloved Boss is planning to move to France for six months and there's a lot he wants to know. So I've spent the morning prowling the internet, printing reams of stuff and highlighting the relevant bits. And I've been named the dog's Fairy Godmother for the information I've found on taking her to live in France. There are days when I do enjoy my job.
phantym_56: (ed - reunited - exhausted)
I'm so glad it's Friday tomorrow! I've only been back at work three days and I'm completely exhausted. I honestly didn't stop for one minute today, nor yesterday. And this morning I was convinced I was coming down with the flu again (as of 9.07pm, I'm fairly sure I'm not) but I was so tired and I had really achy legs for no reason whatsoever, which moved into my right shoulder and upper arm this afternoon and I had so much work piled on me. People would come over and ask if I was busy and I'd say "Kind of.... ok, fine, I'll do it (whatever it is)" because I'm too quiet to say "Go away and leave me alone! I don't have the time to do your stuff!" Yesterday I was stressed about it (drew a Stressed Octopus in my diary, it's bright blue and vaguely embarrassing so now I have to leave it shut so it isn't on display to the office. You can't tell it's Stressed, it just looks like a crazy-eyed blue octopus) but today I was relatively calm and just tired. Far too tired to have any idea whether Dearly Beloved Boss is teasing when he says I look bored and could I help him with some things? I was waiting for the scanner at the time and it freezes my computer a bit and it's slow so I have to sit and stare at the slow-moving bar for a few minutes and he witnessed this and me noting something Accountsy in my diary, so it's entirely possible it did look like I wasn't doing much. But I sighed my eyes, all resigned, and took down my notepad and tried to produce a bright smile and said "What do you want me to do?" and he looked shocked and asked if I was kidding, have I actually not got much to do?

Shouldn't be on the computer now. I'm trying to limit internet after 9pm - means I haven't really seen my computer this week - and instead am devouring books. I read 28 books in 2010. As of 9.13pm on January 6th, I have read Harry Potter 1, 2, 3 and 4 and six chapters of Harry Potter 5 which I only picked up at lunchtime today. I should be reading it now but I sort of fancied a little bit of internet for a change. Bad insomnia at the beginning of the week but was ok last night - perhaps the lack of bright computer before bed beginning to kick in. But I'm fairly sure I had two odd dreams this morning after my alarm had gone off. I woke up just enough to shut the thing up before going back to the dream, two or three times. Really didn't want to wake up this morning. I didn't get out of bed until 8.25. My work starts at 9am. I cut it a little fine.

Mood-wise, today has been better. Today I'm winning. And I finally sent Silver's box off to him. Did you know BFPO (at least to active war zones) is limited to 2kg per parcel? Silver has a packet of sherbet lemons waiting for him at home. And some baby wipes although I'm sure he can live without those. And did you know sending them is free? I didn't know this. I may have given the nice lady at the post office a bewildered look as I was waved away without paying anything.

I want to do a daft holiday again. Last year's were great - I went snowboarding in the Alps, I went to Zurich and I went to the Lake District but I didn't do a "in three weeks I'm going.... here!!", the "here" in question being somewhere people don't often want to go. I want to throw a dart at a map of Europe. But if I'm keeping the spirit of spontaneity, I've either got to wait until nearer the time or plan it for the end of January. January is cold. I want to go around around the end of March but it looks like something has come up. The middle of April might be good except that it's school holidays. Maybe the first full week of April then, around the 6th to 11th-ish.

Sorry to ramble. I'm sitting on a radiator, with a dose of chocolate inside me, a diary at my left hand and a laptop in front of me. It's a good evening.
phantym_56: (shitehawk)
*repeats* Every day is a battle. You can't win every day.

Not having the best of days. Today I am definitely not winning.

Everyone's got loads of work that they haven't got time to do, so everyone's giving it to me. And it all has to be done now. I'm getting people interrupting what I'm doing to remind me to do it. I don't want to turn all Basil Fawlty on them but... I'm doing it! You've just made me stop doing it to ask me if I'm doing it! And then Old Sage Boss leans across and says "Are'y busy?" and I can't say "Yes, leave me alone for a day or two!", I have to say "Kind of..." as if I've got half the afternoon free.

As well as that, in another moment of madness, my Dearly Beloved Boss has decided to move all the sales team into another room. The two desks that used to against mine are now gone. There's just me in the middle of the room, looking like I should have a barbed wire fence around me instead of the island of desks that was there 24 hours ago. This is a cause of great giggling to some other people. "Aw, [Phantym] looks lonely all on her own in the middle of the room!" Does she? Wonder why that might be. It's nothing personal, I know that. But all the same, suddenly my closest neighbours are Old Sage Boss and Boss's Feisty Mother, one of whom keeps quiet and the other who never stops complaining and peppers every sentence that comes out of her mouth with an excess of the word "bloody".

Tomorrow will be better.
phantym_56: (ed - reunited - shower)

What idle thoughts are passing through my head tonight? Not many but those that are seem to be slightly worried ones. Tomorrow we have a "treat day" which means going to a spa for the day, with everyone from work!! So not ideal circumstances but people like Old Sage Boss, Housewife Colleague and probably Dearly Beloved Boss will stay in the relaxing room reading newspapers all day long which means I don't have to be anywhere near them if I don't want to.

What I have to do tonight:
Feed the Hog
Bath/prepare for spa etc
Pack soft loose clothes for "Mind & Body class" - I can already tell this is not going to be "my thing"
Clear out car so Accounts Assistant can get in it - it's cold and dark and I'll take a plastic bag out in the morning and chuck everything in there then.
Wrap Secret Santa present.
Pack stuff like towel/shampoo/hairbrush/swimsuit etc

So what am I doing tonight?
Sitting on the bed wearing an all-in-one fleece suit, against a radiator munching Free Samples Chocolates and daydreaming.

Despite my lack of actually doing anything to get ready for it, I am looking forward to the spa. I'm particularly looking forward to the magic head massage which will apparently "lull me to sleep". Particularly good for people who are stressed, have insomnia, headaches or sinusitis or are mentally overworked or tired, the website says. I was half-dead from insomnia at the time I booked this and then it went away (under the influence of the blankets - blankets rule!) but I haven't slept so brilliantly the last couple of  nights so I'll still appreciate it. And I'll appreciate being able to lounge around, read a book and maybe do some writing of my own.

In which I figure out why Book 2 isn't as much fun to write as Book 1 was )

  • Alex with his new partner
  • Alex gets accused of treason and runs
  • Alex finds Joey and they find somewhere to hide
  • Check for evidence in HQ
  • Interview a couple of people
  • Gather some information
  • Go to Egypt to meet the person who sold them out
  • Back into the Service
Straight from A to B. Boring.
 

phantym_56: (ed - model)
I have been in a foul mood most of today. Started with being the only one in the family to go to work. Then we had to push the car off the drive so Dad could go to the doctor (apparently has a kidney stone, we're waiting for the hospital to call) but it's a big car and the drive is slippery and that's how old people die on the news, de-icing cars with the engine running and in gear - I hate pushing cars around on ice.

Then the snow/ice was hard to walk on and my footchains fell off within twenty yards and I was running late and then really really angry. Then Boss's Feisty Mother came in, also in a bad mood and that just made me worse.

And then skipping breakfast because I didn't have time for it this morning and then lunch because I was at work (I don't like eating at work, particularly when there are other people in the kitchen, even if they're nagging me to eat and saying there's hardly anything of me) finally caught up with me this afternoon. My hypos tend to happen because I've eaten something, not because I haven't but I was vaguely aware of feeling a bit light-headed and confused and when the Chief Accountant asked me to copy an email to [Name], I asked "Is that our [Name] or their [Name]?" and she said "I don't think they've got a [Name]..." (They meaning one of our suppliers). I decided not to bother saying "Yes they do, and so have [Other Supplier], they're everywhere!" and I'm glad I didn't say it because ten minutes later, it dawned on me that she was absolutely right and what on Earth was I thinking? And that was the second "what was I thinking?" moment in ten minutes. I just couldn't think straight at all. Definitely time to go and have some sugar before I tried to carry on with any more work.

And then, the Chief Accountant's husband came to pick her up when the office closed early and she was taking other people back too and although in all truth, I would probably have refused, it would have been nice to be offered a lift, since there are a tiny handful of us who live very near each other and I'm one of them!

And I'm tired because kidney stones mean Dad's up every ten minutes during the night and he woke the resident insomniac and I was then awake for two hours in the middle of the night and I these days, tiredness kicks me the very next day, instead of the day after like it used to.

But now I'm home early and I'm going to have something to eat and I'm already feeling a lot more cheerful.
phantym_56: (london - embankment in the fog)
Something occurred to me today.

Until the last six months or so, I have been disgustingly healthy and chirpy. I've never had headaches, sore eyes, eyeache, coughs and colds, flu, misery, self-hatred, difficulty reading, bad temper, any of it. And I don't tend to have them when I'm home. This could all be caused simply by working 9-5 in an office, which I don't particularly enjoy, with an unpredictable and occasionally malevolent boss and his bad-tempered mother. You can't compare it to either school or university; they're just not as intensive or as responsible.

However, all these things could be caused by low-level carbon monoxide poisoning. They probably aren't, I'm probably being paranoid and hypochondriacal again but I would feel more comfortable if I took a detector to work tomorrow.
phantym_56: (maxwell - dark lord)
Can't do great detail. There's only been nine days of it. It's been cold, it's snowed, I've made snow chains for my boots and apart from that, not done a lot. Soon it will be Christmas and I haven't finished shopping yet. One parcel seems to have gone missing in the post. Godless Christmas next week, spa day the week after. Maybe seeing Jess & Annie the week after. I don't have any enthusiasm for writing about "this month".

I'm sorry I've been miserable again the last couple of days. Life. People. This is a war and every day is a battle and I can't win every battle. Sometimes maybe I'll be sad, sometimes I'll be frustrated, sometimes I'll be upset. I've lost a couple of battles this week but I still think I'm winning the war.

I didn't sleep well last night. I've spent most of the last week working on the profit & loss account at work and every time I closed my eyes, I just saw my bed as a series of twelve boxes and I didn't know what numbers to put in them. Then I'd open my eyes and tell myself my bed is my bed, it's just one thing and it's right here but... eyes closed, back come the boxes. The surrealness of it stopped me getting too upset with it. Imagining some loving boyfriend making me warm and comfortable and giving me drinks and rubbing away my headache was nice but if anything, made it harder to get to sleep. (I have a cold. Just a lovely ordinary one with a bit of added headachiness for the fun of it, nothing like the flu bug from hell I had in October. No sneezing or coughing, just a misbehaving nose and mild lingering headaches. It's so nice to be back to ordinary non-miserable illness!)

Another thing that made me happy today was my boss. I generally give the impression that I hate him. I'm not keen on him; he's capricious and unpredictable and frequently moody but quite often he's in a good mood and sometimes he's just weird. We've got a water machine which used to be up in the main office but on his orders was moved yesterday to reception (Stupid place to put it. Walk all the way to the front door for a cup of water?!). It's just a stand that holds up a massive 9l bottle of water and you can have it room temperature or icy-cold. Anyway, he was talking to his Feisty Mother on the phone last night. Conversation went as so:

Boss: I'm a bit worried about where you've put the water machine.
Mother: [Boss], I didn't put it there. It was your orders to move it.
Boss: Well, I'm a bit worried about where it is. People might pee in the bottles.

...I don't even know. Have I mentioned that he's weird?

This is my elephant table, by the way. He's cracked on the tabletop and on one of his ears but he's still adorable. Even Mum likes him; says the cracks add to his character. There were half a dozen elephant tables but I fell in love with the cracked one. He's going in my house one day. I was going to make a winter project of him, try to repair the cracks, clean him up etc but I'm not going to. He's cute enough how he is.

My elephant table )Isn't he cuuuuute?

Now the pressure's off, I'm going to start playing with Alex and Joey again. I want 100,000 words of serviceable Draft Zero of The Sequel by the end of March and as of the end of NaNoWriMo I had just under 31,000. I'm very fond of my boys.

I've got the house to myself for a few hours tonight so I've got a blanket and some cheesy biscuits and I'm watching Zemanovaload, which I haven't seen for far too long. I like it. It's a good-hearted film and I genuinely can't decide whether my favourite thing about it is Ed Byrne, all short spiky hair and dark eyes and shirts over bright-coloured t-shirts, or the soundtrack. I may picspam this film at some point.

For now, I'm warm and sniffly and contented. I think I'm winning today.
phantym_56: (ed - theoretically)
This one's easy. There's one thing that really stands out in my memory. When I was fifteen or so, I answered my sister's phone while she was out. Her best friend on the other end asked to speak to her and said she'd called about three times. Joking, I said "Oh, she doesn't want to be friends with you any more!" Said best friend took me seriously. Chaos ensued. It was awful. I like to think that had it happened the other way around, my friends wouldn't have been stupid enough to actually pay attention to what my sister said. Anyway, this "best friend" later turned out to be a bullying little shite so it was for the best, but still...

Continuing on yesterday's theme...

When I started at my job, there were four of us French-speakers. We had to coordinate our lunchbreaks and we were the only ones who worked until 5 so there was quite the bond between the four of us. One left last Christmas and a new one joined the previous July (Daisy). This July, Curly Colleague started, three weeks later Mandy left. Mandy my Brown Owl. She only works just up the road, so French Colleague, Daisy and Curly Colleague went and had lunch with her a while back. I was a little miffed at being left out, but it's well known that I don't eat, I see Mandy once a week anyway and someone needed to stay to answer the phones in case any French customers called.

Last week, French Colleague suggested the five of us should get together one lunchtime before Christmas. She invited me. I beamed. I came back from my lunchbreak today to find a four-way Skype conversation on my screen discussing when this lunch should be, narrowed it down according to when Daisy and Curly are in (they've left their holiday hours until the last minute and are out most of the next two weeks). They found a day when we're all in and then French Colleague ended the conversation with "So if [Phantym] doesn't mind staying in the office to answer the phone, we can all do the 22nd."

Oh thanks.
phantym_56: (ed - lawnmower)
Five and a half weeks on and I'm still prone to the occasional fit of coughing under the right circumstances. Also had a headache the size of the Albert Hall for half this afternoon. I don't know how much any of this is related to the fact that I haven't slept well for the last two nights. Last night was at least the peaceful kind of insomnia where I was only half aware that I was still awake and didn't really care as long as I was warm and comfortable but the night before was horrendous. I don't say all this because I'm feeling whiny. It's just an observation since I've just had another attack of coughing. Idle interest, you might say.

It's been nice and warm in the office today. The main office is always freezing in winter, not enough radiators, so the Newest of New Boys went and turned the heating up to 25. Boss's Feisty Mother doesn't know it was him but it's meant we've actually felt ok for the first time since it got chilly. Tomorrow it can snow to its heart's content. Then we can come home early and I won't have to worry about going out in the snow. I will also check my tyre size and order snowchains. I meant to do it back in June/July (being cunning and thinking of being clever) but of course, put it off for so long it's now snowing and I haven't done it.

Tonight when I get back, or more likely tomorrow, I want to rewrite that letter to Silver. It's not right. It needs the emphasis shifting a little. I consider the one already sealed in an envelope to be a first draft. May also collect up some stuff, put it in a box and send it to him. Does anyone know if there's anything in particular a soldier might appreciate? My experience of Christmas boxes is for orphans in Romania and things like that but I'm not sure Silver would be so appreciative of a toothbrush and some soap etc. Polos, definitely. I don't know if he even remembers but they used to be a bit of an in-joke between us. Some nibbly bits, I guess. Reasonably long shelf-life, not too melty, not too big or heavy... any suggestions?

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June 2012

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