Feb. 16th, 2011

phantym_56: (ed - doesn't matter)
Today, I have done a brilliant impression of a normal, chatty, sociable human being. I have had an in-depth discussion of teeth with two colleagues I don't generally chat to (is it unusual to bite polos? I thought that was the usual way to eat them) and with the accountant about pre-decimal coins and eccentric great-uncles (I have one. Not at the moment, he died long before I was born, but I claim ownership of him) and smiled and enjoyed it. I don't generally (at least I hope I don't) appear moody and grumpy and all that at work but I'm quiet and I keep to myself and I don't usually chat outside of my particular friends. So that was nice.

I have got a drawing pin stuck in my hand (not "I have got" as in "right now there is a-" but in the sense of the past tense of got). It hurt. I now remember that injections hurt. I'd convinced myself that they don't really hurt and my phobia of them is simply of the phobic of them itself, that if I look at it or talk about it or think about it I will faint/throw up but actually, something sharp being poked into you does hurt and it's not so unreasonable to be petrified of that.

I had a giggle at myself today as well. Parked next to another Panda at Tesco, giggled for being so childish as to do that and then promptly had hysterics because that Panda was parked behind another. We looked like a little Panda convention out there.

In a bit I shall go and see my mentor, who came to observe Rangers last week and who this week shall go through my qualification and sign everything off.

I have cut my nails. I bit them until I was fourteen or so, then stopped literally overnight.  A few of them had got ludicrously long and full of what I call faultlines and my thumbnails were so long I could hardly do anything - earrings are impossible and I started having trouble doing up my necklace, so they're all cut back a bit and filed and I'm going to keep filing them regularly so they don't get weak and break and actually make some kind of vague effort to look after them.

So the only problem with my day is being shattered. I wish I could get used to going to bed before midnight and staying asleep all night but it's not working at the moment. I can't seem to make myself go to bed early enough and if I do, I can't get to sleep. The heating isn't working properly, so I have to sleep with the duvet over the blankets and it feels like... well, to say it feels like it's crushing me would be melodramatic but I'm definitely more comfortable with only the blankets. However, just blankets is too cold. So I never feel good in the morning and by the end of the day I'm ready to come home and crash. But my moods are ok which is a good thing.

In the meantime I am rewatching All the Small Things. I love Olive. (And Jake, obviously).

And finally, the pasta I've just eaten is expressing its displeasure at me having eaten it. Some of us never learn.
phantym_56: (ed - reunited - win)
I went to see my mentor tonight and came out a little depressed. I had all but one signature, three modules fully signed off - I'm literally millimetres away from finishing my qualification. But she said that although the night she came to see went very well and the girls were great and very happy and it's obviously all good, "there wasn't really much leadership for me to observe". Well, no. That's not how Senior Section works. They're supposed to lead themselves, my job is just to keep an eye on them and steer them in the right direction. So close! She came and watched the meeting, which was ok, I've had the DC in a fair few times and it's been disastrous at times. But this one was fine. And then I was sitting at her table while she told me what she made of it and I'm leaning forward, turning red and feeling like I'm getting exam results. And although the results were fine, she didn't see enough to sign the damn thing.

She was going to contact another local Ranger leader and see if the two units could meet up at some point. And she spoke to that leader and has since emailed me to say that the other leader says the qualification is very hard with Rangers and apparently what she saw is more than sufficient. I have to email two of my old girls to get them to send a statement saying we discussed their progress through their time in Rangers and that's it. (I've got that one signed but I need the evidence in my folder). So that's brilliant! Unfortunately, it's going to be another month until I see her again to get that last elusive signature but the fact is that I've practically got it now! I've done everything needed to complete my qualification!

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phantym_56

June 2012

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