The Clockmaker

It's been a wedding-y sort of evening. First we watched that thing where some girl lets her dozy boyfriend arrange the entire wedding. He has three weeks and he's not allowed to see or speak to his bride at all. This is not a reflection on tonight's dozy boyfriend, it's a general theme of "the man" on this show. He always picks completely the wrong dress or the wrong shoes and her mates are horrified when they see the dresses he's chosen for the bridesmaids and she cries and throws a strop and then when they turn up on the day, it's perfect anyway.

Then we watched a thing about Royal Weddings where they leap from Anne to Andrew to Diana and back again to the point where you can't keep track of whose dress they're talking about right now anymore.

Then we watched two episodes of Gavin and Stacey - the two where they've just got engaged and are planning the wedding.

This has led to us also discussing weddings. I have now chosen my dress and my cake. I've always wanted a plain gold band but I've never had the faintest idea what I want in an engagement ring, except that it be gold to match the wedding ring. I think I'd like a ruby. I love red, I intend to have a red dress and ruby happens to be my birthstone. And my sister intends to have an emerald but can't find one she likes and besides, Useless Boyfriend is refusing to propose.

Anyway, the cake is one tonight's dozy boyfriend was shown. Isn't it gorgeous?

( A picture of the glorious cake )

Quite obviously, that beastie there is chocolate through and through. That's my wedding cake. I've always known I want a chocolate one but I've never bothered trying to look for the right one - and it just found me!

And then Mum stumbled across the most beautiful white cloak:

http://www.wonderfulwraps.com/BridalVelvetCloakWithTrain.asp

Look at it. Look at it! I want it!

And this is the template of my dress:

( A picture of the dress )
I want the whole thing in red velvet though. And maybe make the skirt a bit slinkier and take off the train. I've already got a train on my cloak.

I'm not fussed about flowers - red would be good, I suppose. Do I have to carry a bouquet? I'd rather not. And what kind of shoes do you wear with an outfit like that? Can't I get married barefoot? I'd like it to be in a church. Mum agrees. Sister does not. I'd like to have just Jess and Annie as bridesmaids but I don't think I'll be allowed to get away with that. I don't know what colour they'd wear. White might actually be nice. And I suppose with a dress and cloak as dramatic as that, my husband would need something more interesting than a morning suit and cravat.

Oh, and most importantly? (Apparently) Who will the husband be?

I'm too busy enjoying the planning and the daydreaming and being girly to be overly bothered but if I stopped to think... it's sort of sad that chances are this will never happen.

(Dad has suggested I talk to "my mate". Which one? I ask. "Dara's mate." Right. Just a couple of obstacles to me marrying Ed Byrne. 1) He's already married, to a truly lovely lady who he truly loves 2) Even if they split up, he's got an entire routine on why he wouldn't look for someone else - basically, too lazy 3) If I had Ed, I wouldn't know what to do with him. To paraphrase Andrew Maxwell from HIGNFY a couple of years ago: "I wouldn't take him as a husband but I'd keep him as a pet." I believe I've frequently said "Aww, I want an Ed!")

When I daydream about my wedding, to be honest, it's generally Silver I see beside me. I've seen him there for seven or eight years, actually. Tragic love story, we are.